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Fathers Day…it aint what it used to be…. (warning this is not all warm and fuzzy)

I try hard to keep this as an upbeat blog (when I do put something on here) but I am angry and sad. I try to be happy for all the people who get to celebrate fathers day with their dads, I really really do… however there is a part of me that wants to just say HAPPY FU. I miss my dad, I miss him more today than yesterday, I hate that he is no longer here on this earth with me… I hate that my last memory of this amazing man was him writhing in pain. a tiny wisp of the man I saw just 3 weeks earlier. I hate that the last words I heard my daddy say were I just want to die….. I hate that I wasn’t there to hold his hand as he took his last breath and that I was not there for him much his last year. I miss his voice, his silly smile, his smell, I just miss him…… I am so envious of people who have pictures of themselves with their dads, or pictures of their dads period. I have very few and none of us together. I keep trying to erase the last visual of him in my mind….looking at the few pictures I do have help…

61640_138355629645223_532389343_nWhat a handsome service man he was

dad hansomeHe was such a handsome young man. I think this must be a lodge picture. He was dedicated to being a Mason and Rainbow father to many

dynamite dadI bet not many people can say their dad mixed explosives! He is working on a road project for the state.

dadhandsomeSo handsome at my nephew Brian and his wife Ashley’s wedding

dad tongueBeing goofy, we had taken he and mom up to our favorite spot on Larch Mountain

Happy Fathers Day daddy, I know you are up in heaven looking down on all of us…. I miss you, I love you, and I know one day we will get to celebrate another fathers day together.

To my friends, I hope you all have wonderful days with our dads, cherish them, love them and give them all a hug from me.

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