Ok so maybe that isn’t exactly what my doctor said but it was pretty darn close to it. I have diabetes that I had under control, it is now spiraling back out of control, My cholesterol although still not good was leaps and bounds better than ever, it is spiraling out of control. My blood pressure had finally gotten to a good level and is now spiraling out of control. I had been able to somewhat control my depression and stress levels but…you guessed it, it is spiraling out of control… I see a theme here.
I have always loved my job, I mean really REALLY loved my job.I work with the best people anyone could hope to work with, I get paid a decent wage, I get paid vacation, my boss rocks and is a complete animal lover so understands when an issue with my lil Luna comes up. We have each others backs, it is a great job. But we are understaffed and that causes stress.
I live in a terrible complex, violence is rampant so much so that we have a dedicated city cop, in a city that is under staffed at best. There are children who run around way into the dark, not watched by their parents at all, they run bikes into our cars, they steal the fruit and flowers off our plants, they leave litter everywhere and run up and down in front of my unit all hours. I work early and go to bed early. And then we have this other set of kids, As annoying as these lil guys can be, they are absolutely awesome.
One little girl got hurt, so Mary said she would put a bandaid on it, Now this girl is tough, she talks tough and presents herself that way, she is 8. Mary asked if her mom was going to be mad that she ripped her jeans, she said I don’t have a mamma…i mean i don’t live with a mamma.. She lives with her pimp, drug dealing, gang banger dad and his “girls” there are 3 more babies in that house. We will give her extra attention from now on, she is a good kid. I have asked some of the other kids to just keep it down when circling my place and they do it. I always make sure to let their parents know how awesome their kids are. They would rather hang out with me and my neighbor Mary who is 17 years older than me! They lay on the grass, and they play with the dogs, they LOVE our dogs, and we work on their bikes with them.
One little guy just told us his daddy is going back to prison…We are going to help his mom get him in the big brother program, he is a great boy, his sister is 16 and on honor role, their mom has single parented them for years now, she struggles but she makes sure they have food on their table. She barely has a dime to her name but she made sure another kid in the area had $10 on his lunch books because his mom refuses to give him money or send a lunch. They are respectful of us, as stressy as it can be, it takes a village and Mary and I are that village. I search for silver linings a lot, and have never seen one here, this place is toxic. Shame on me, the silver lining here is those amazing, wonderful kids who really need a village to encourage and love on them.
I guess the point of all of that above is, I am stressed and I used to always find some silver lining and somewhere along the line that stopped. So here is a list of things that I seem to really be complaining and stressing about lately and the silver lining that goes with them.
- Traffic, it sucks, people are mean – I have a zippy red car that I love and can trust to not break down on me, it lets me drive!
- Work it is stressful – I HAVE a job, a job I love, with people I adore and I get paid pretty darn ok
- Where I live, it sucks and is scary – I am surrounded by laughing sweet kids, I have an awesome, kooky neighbor I adore who constantly makes me laugh and I have a roof over my head..I am not on the streets
- My weight – I can actually afford food, I can afford healthy food, I do not have to hope someone tosses me food or dig in a garbage for it
- My children, I miss them because they are far away – They are ALIVE I can speak to them by phone, via text or email or Facebook, I do not have to pray up to the heavens to talk to them
- Parents, I miss them – Although my dad passed away and my hear is still broken, I had an awesome dad who loved me regardless…these kids where I live are not that lucky. My mom is my rock, she is here thick or thin, she has never stopped loving me and I know never will. I am blessed
- My body hurts, every single second of everyday – I am ALIVE to feel that pain the alternative is not an option!!
So my doctor said in essence, shit or get off the pot, eat healthy, exercise, take your meds, relax all those things we know or you are going to stoke out. She suggested a Mediterranean type diet. I got up early this am and went and got legumes galore, nuts galore, veggies galore and I am going to shit AND get off the pot!!! Acceptance, I am going to learn to accept the way things are, change if need be, move on if I cannot change and be healthy!!!! Boooya