One of the toughest struggles I have is letting go of certain feelings. I am often left feeling bitter. Bitter about my failed my marriages and seeing the things that I should have been doing being done by my “replacement”. Bitter when I see pictures of my friends with their dads, bitter that I no longer have mine. Bitter that my memory does not afford me warm fuzzies like most people I know. Bitter that I allow that one act from my past to dictate my unhealthy life choices. Bitter that I am bitter! I could go on and on but that would just make me even more bitter! I really do not like that I tend to never forgive and forget, to move on and let it be the past.
I just watched a documentary on the Amish and one of the things they talked about was how the Amish community forgave the man that went to their school and killed those girls. One of the fathers who lost two daughters that day went to the shooters home that night to let his widow, mother and father know they forgave him, that they would lift her and her family in prayer. They stated that forgiving does not mean condoning the act or absolving the person of the crime but rather not letting that be your focus in life. The mother of the shooter now takes care of the most seriously wounded young girl once a week. I love this quote from that father.
“There is always hope. To walk into the future knowing each day has something that we can be thankful for, and not to live in the sorrow 24-7. Ask God to provide new things in your lives, new things to focus on, that doesn’t take the place of what is lost, but it can give us a hope and a future, a future only made possible by forgiveness.”
Over and over I hear of family members of the murdered saying that until they learned to forgive the murderer their life was unbearable. That learning to forgive changed them from being someone bitter to having a better life. I work and work on learning to not be so bitter, to forgive and to move on. For some reason, and I think maybe in a twisted way it is pride perhaps, I just cannot do so. I have to learn that I can forgive, that I have the right to set the tone for the relationships going forward and that forgiving people is not a weakness.
All this bitterness is keeping me fat and unhealthy. It is keeping me from going out and enjoying my life. Bitter better that one damn letter is getting the best of me, but I am going to kick bitters ass to the curb, one day at a time. It may take me a lifetime to get there but I am going to work on it daily.
I have been especially bitter lately for a multitude of reasons and all that it has done for me is to help me sabotage my weight loss and healthy lifestyle journey. I said in the beginning I would be honest about this journey. I have, since starting the new blog, gained 4 pounds. Today is a new day, I will continue to get myself on track and become a better person for doing so.
Have a blessed and safe rest of the weekend friend!