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Epiphanies who needs em………….

Evidently me!!! I have always struggled financially, partly my own doing, partly a bad marriage. I had decided I was going to have to give up weight watchers, I just cannot afford it, we now have to pay for 17 weeks at once. Having it just taken out of your account, you never miss it, having to come up with a lump sum of $186 all the sudden is not doable for me. I need to have physical therapy at least twice a week so it is just not something I felt I could afford anymore.

That said……… Thursday was to be my last meeting, and I was not going to worry about weighing in. I had spent the entire week prior not being accountable for what I was eating because I knew I would no longer have to weigh in. I didn’t go all crazy but certainly did not consciously think about what I was putting in my mouth. My frustration of the weeks prior was just getting the better of me.

I am not sleeping well, I HATE where I live but it is not as easy as just up and moving. I am in a lease that will cost me $500 to break, on top of paying pet deposits, first and last month rent and other deposits. As soon as slightly start to fall off to sleep one of my neighbors will blare music, or beat up their significant other, or their cigarette smells from their places wafts into mine making me have an asthma attack. I cannot shut off my mind so I found myself wandering downstairs and eating something. This is something I have never done in the past. But again, I don’t have to weigh in anymore so who cares….

I decided to do one last weigh in even though I knew it was going to be bad and I was right. I had gained 3 pounds over the last week. Up to this point I had lost 30 pounds, I have now put back 10 of those 30. My color is bad again, I sweat profusely, I am uncomfortable, I am puffy … I.AM.MISERABLE.

So I did the ol’ Theresa Silver Lining slash Pro and Con list… here is what I came up with

  1. CON – I cannot afford WW because I need to do therapy for my arthritis in my hips  PRO – Losing weight will ease some of that pain. 
  2. CON – I cannot afford WW because I need to do therapy for my arthritis in my hips  PRO – Going helps me  to eat healthier which in turn makes me feel better physically  SILVER LINING – Losing weight which will help hips
  3. CON – I cannot afford WW because I need to do therapy for my arthritis in my hips  PRO – Eating healthier helps me to sleep and be more productive  

All my CONS were I cannot afford to invest in my health, so I decided what if my CON is NOT that I can no longer afford to pay for something that clearly helps me but it is that NOT doing it is the CON that NOT staying in weight watchers and gaining back all the weight and then some in the CON. It will be hard, I have given up coffees for the most part, just make them at home now, I take my lunch to work, I do not go anywhere in my car I do not need to so I can save gas. 

So long story short my epiphany is I NEED those meetings to keep me accountable, I NEED to have to weigh in so I know all week long, that if I am not conscious of what I am eating it is going to show on that scale. Maybe one day I will be strong enough that my seeing that gain on the scale is enough but right now it is not. I have to be accountable to someone other than myself at this point. I am still not sure how I will be able to pay for it going forward but bless my leaders heart, she got on the phone after my weigh in, told her boss that it was not fair that for at work meetings we had to pay in full or even split into 2 payments. She fought for me to be able to write 3 checks for the next 3 months. If she is going to fight for me like that I have to prove to myself and her that I am worth her going to battle for me!! 

My second epiphany was a pro and con list does not have to be a negative vs a positive, maybe it should always be a positive vs a positive and which one of those is more beneficial. 

SO for the next 17 weeks I need to refocus, get mind in order. I am going to visit my daughter at the coast, I am going to walk the heck out of the beach, I am going to enjoy life and then I am going to come home and kick some serious ass…most of which will be my own! 

Hugs~Theresa

 

1 thought on “Epiphanies who needs em………….”

  1. To be so aware, to relook at something at a different angle, to have those Angels pop into your life at the exact moment you need them, to confirm you are doing the right thing, you are a great leader and teacher. Thank you. And congratulations on your epiphanies~ Big hugs back.

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