I had such hopes in 2014 to eat healthier, be less angry, lose weight, blog, find myself, etc etc etc. 2014 ended up being a tough year, one that I allowed myself to get mired down in and get the best of me. My hope for 2015 is to start blogging again, to let people into my life. I have spent years keeping people at bay because the hurt is not worth it, of course this has also meant keeping friends at bay, both old and new.
I lost my sweet precious little St. LunaTic on January 5th. I took the day off knowing it was going to be her last, we spent the day cuddling, me annoying her with the constant non-stop kisses and tears I am sure. Sadly her passing was not the peaceful journey I had hoped for her but she died in my arms, being kissed and loved until her last breath. I will not go into the reasons, but I had prayed all day I was doing the right thing, the moment before she was given her final shot, she made it clear to me and my vet it was the only choice for her. Bless her sweet little heart, she had a tough life prior to my rescuing her, I hope she knew how loved she was. My family, friends and coworkers have made this easier to deal with, I am surrounded by animal lovers and am blessed for it. Silver lining for this was being loved by a sweet lil creature and having a new wonderful person brought into my life, the loving foster that got Luna healthy enough to come be my furever baby. Thank you Allison I love you
There were some good times, I went and visited my daughter in Crescent City. Our time at the beach and up in the Redwoods were amazing. Although she no longer lives there and the city itself is not one to write home about, the beaches and forests are among the most beautiful. I hope we can make a trip back, and reflect and she can go back there and feel good about her life there because she made some amazing friends.
My beautiful daughter had her life uprooted and is now on a new journey. I am so proud of her, she has had much adversity in her life and she rebounds like no other. This one is a bit more painful for her, getting lied to and having your dreams of a future with someone squashed by their narcissism is painful. My one wish for her is to not let it rule her future like I have. I have intentionally stayed single for 14 years because of the lies and pain a narcissistic man inflicted on me and my family. She has so much to offer someone, and that someone will come along when the time is right. Silver lining to this is she made some of the most amazing friends in California and in Oregon and she will never allow this to happen again. She will no longer put herself second to someone else and she can fully pursue the dreams she wants. And she got to spend Christmas with her dad and brother for the first time in many many years! AND check out that beautiful rainbow she saw today.
My most wonderful mom drove my daughter the 6 hours it takes to get from Burns to Gresham. She did that knowing they could only stay one day. She knew how much we both needed each other. It was a wonderful visit, we laughed and we cried and I learned some painful things that rocked me to my core. My daughter is the most forgiving loving and amazing old soul I have ever met. Thank you sweet baby Bison for not hating me, for forgiving me for being blind. I always feel such a guilt for not protecting my kids like I should have, for not giving them the childhood they both deserved. Silver lining is I have THE MOST AMAZING and LOVING children, who no matter what has happened in our past, they both love me for me and that is the best gift ever.
I moved in November to a wonderful new apartment, the view is outstanding and the people are wonderful. I feel safe for the first time in 7 years. I have high hopes for my new life here, one that is free from drama, fear and I refuse to let negative people invade my new wonderful nest. I want to sit nightly and look out this window, reflect and find at least one positive thing to post about.
So thank you to all the amazing people who have stood by me, I have made some amazing new friends the last year and am so thankful for the old friendships I still have. And thank you to my wonderful friends who love on my kids for me.