Journey to happiness

Day 2 ~ Exercise, Tears, Pain, Epiphanies, Change, Acceptance ~~ All by 8:40 AM!

Day 2 of exercise down and even though I am sore I feel pretty good. Lesson learned from yesterday I ate BEFORE I went to workout! As I said yesterday I am swapping over my facebook page to a new one that will be dedicated to healthier happier me and the journey it is going to be to get there. I was going to replace my timeline picture with a new one. I sat there and just burst into tears when I went to do it. It is of my sweet Luna, taken hours before I had to take her in and have her put to sleep. I miss her and in a silly way feel it is a dishonor to replace her picture. I have tried several times to replace the picture of Luna but just have not been able to. I miss her… I had her as my background on my phone. My wise friend Pam said Theresa, every time you look at your phone you are sad… it is ok to change it. SO I changed it Jason Statham and find myself smiling every time I look at my phone. FB_IMG_1428364037698

_lunaI love you sweet Teeny Tiny Fat Lu I miss you and I know you are in a better place. This picture is how I need to remember that precious lil pup(this is not the picture taken the day she died).. But it is time to change the picture so am leaving the one I have, it is of the beach. It is the one place I love most and it was a wonderful visit that day with my daughter so it is staying at least for the time being.

I hate epiphanies, I realize they are good for the most part but mine always seem to include painful realizations which I know is for the most part a good thing. I tend to hang on to the painful aspects of my life, perhaps because I think I am not worthy of anything else. I need to learn to move on, to let things go, to live in the future and less in the past. Truth be told, I really truly hate me… I hate what I have become, the way I judge, the way I avoid things, the spectacular skill I have to make excuses. I.HATE.ME…..I am awesome at self deprecation, I see how sometimes my “joking” about myself makes others uncomfortable but again I just do not feel worthy. I never listen when people say you are nice, kind, funny, pretty etc. What I did listen to is those who told me I was fat, ugly, worthless, lucky to have THEM in my life, all the bad things said to me I have clung to and chose to believe. I need to stop, collaborate and listen (thanks Vanilla Ice) to the good that is said to me. I do not understand why I seem to be the go to person on the floor, the one that most people come to and BS with but maybe, just maybe there is something there that I need to see, that something that others see in me.

20150411_080810So onward I trudge, this journey of self understanding and acceptance. Whew I am exhausted and it is only 9:08am =)

Time for housework, laundry and then a movie with my friend, have a wonderful awesome beautiful and inspiring day my friends.

Hugs ~ Theresa

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