sometimes you have to buck up, put your big girl panties on, and get on with your bad self

I am feeling a little sentiMENTAL today so bear with me. I want to thank all of you my friends, the ones I grew up with, the ones I have never met other than on here, my family etc.

For the first time in my life I feel ok with myself. I have never shared pictures of me and now I am ok doing it. I have never just said thank you to a compliment and now I do. I have never felt worthy and now I do. I do not put myself down as much as I used to. My friend Pam forced me to learn to say thank you when I receive a compliment lol.

I have learned so much this last 9 weeks. I have learned that I am beautiful inside and out (ok honestly I still struggle with that one). I have learned that my life matters and that I had to change how I was living it so I could live long and happy. I learned that my putting myself down was incredibly uncomfortable for those around me. I learned I was not being the friend or family member I should have been. Funny that a bag of #Shakeology and 21 days of clean eating can alter your life in such a fashion.

I think the most important lesson was I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR MY OWN HAPPINESS AND MISERY. It is not my family, friends, loved ones responsibility to make me happy, and if they are making me miserable that is on me not them. If I choose to wallow in misery that is on me not them. If choose to walk away from those relationships in order to be happy then that is on me and it is ok to say goodbye to those relationships.

I have learned that posting positive things on my social media is so much more fulfilling then negative. Thank you Kathy​ for that challenge! I have learned if someone says something nice and you respond in a negative fashion they will stop saying or posting nice things to you.

Each of you shares in this success of mine, you have encouraged me, loved me, supported me and put up with. YOU are a HUGE part of my success and I thank you and even owe you a little bit for helping me to save my life. I was headed to a heart attack or stroke. I love each of you with every fiber of my soul.

What you ask brought this on…. Almond Roca…that delightful candy that was one of my dad’s favorites. He loved Almond Roca.. I miss him so much. Almost 6 years he has been gone and I still cannot look at a can and not cry.. I spent so many years making bad mistakes, hurting my mom and dad and they never ever gave up on me. They loved ME unconditionally even when I was incredibly unlovable. I hope he is looking down and is proud of who I have become and what I am doing with my life.

He died of cancer, I loathe cancer and I know sugar feeds cancer and I am fairly certain all the other junk being put into our foods causes cancer or at least feeds it. I am determined to be as healthy as I can be. My dad and I had amazing talks the last year of his life. He wanted me to find happiness… and he loved me, he always loved me… I miss him and I want to do him proud.

I guess the moral of this is… love yourself enough to be happy and healthy. When you are feeling like this is not working do NOT give up! This is not a race to lose weight, this is a new life of healthy habits, eating healthy, avoiding those foods that are killing us. Exercising your mind and your body. Each and every one of you is amazing, beautiful and worthy of a wonderful and healthy life. 20150421_172545-1

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