I spent years practicing avoidance. I HATED having my picture taken and certainly did not like to share it with anyone. I spent 38 years honing that talent and part of my healing process is to let that go and be a part of the outside world again. I am incredibly antisocial outside of work but since losing weight I have started feeling better about myself and have been finding myself being more social. I speak to people I do not know, I engage in smiles with people, I just truly enjoy life again.
Sometimes I worry that perhaps I am being narcissistic in my posting of selfies thus my Kardashian reference! BUT that is all a part of the healing process. This journey is about so much more than losing of the weight, it is about gaining my self esteem, learning that what others think does not necessarily matter as long as I am not hurting anyone, that I am good enough just the way I am and that I did not deserve my self imposed shame. It is also about being honest, I have a right to how I feel about what my body and how it looks, it is ok to feel that and then move one from it. It is not ok to pretend this has been a rosy easy path I have taken.
I had taken to walking downtown from my work before heading home. Also way outside my comfort zone but so nice. I met my bestie from high school one night for dinner! Love Brenda, she is an inspiration to all single moms!
Last weekend I dog/house sat for my friends. I love staying at her place, she has an amazing kitchen, awesome pets and lives across the street from Mt. Talbert. That was my first real hike and I had made a decision I was going to make it to the top… the first day I just could not do it but the next day I conquered it. I was looking back at the blog I made that day and I still remember that feeling.
While staying at their place last weekend I got 15 miles in on that mountain one day! I got to see Mr. Alvarez again as he was doing his second hike of the day up there. I know I have talked about him in the past but he is amazing! He had a stroke 10 years ago and was essentially told to go home and adjust to not being able to walk or talk…. He speaks no English but do not think for one second he was not one of the hardest working men around. Lisa told me he had a business he ran with his wife, his children were born here, he supported them and his aging parents until his stroke… He went home and he decided he was going to walk and talk again and damned if he did not. Let me tell you, that Mountain is a BITCH lots of roots and rocks and steep inclines and he spends 2 hours twice a day every day walking that baby using his cane to support himself. He is still slightly paralyzed on one side but he does it rain or shine. HE is incredible!
They also have this sweet lil pup Annie Mae who was abused. She has 6 vertebrae that have fused making it really hard for her to maneuver her back end. But that lil dog SHINES, she is the bubbliest, sweetest, most energetic and loving animal I have ever met. I was sitting up at the top of their yard, to get there you have to climb these steep pavers… I heard panting and that lil girl was pulling herself up those pavers, dragging her back legs to get to me and when she did she just ran to sit with me. Inspiration comes in all shapes and sizes! AND I had breakfast and a walk with my amazing friend Lara!
I also weighed myself at her house and was 1 pound from hitting 100 lost. The last month or so has been one of 5 pounds up and down. I was so excited and then boom over the week I gained 4 pounds. But you know what I did not have a total meltdown. I know it happens and I know the scale is the enemy but I am a slave to it and that is something else I am working on. I know once I hit my goal it will not be such an issue to me and I may just toss that beast out once I do hit it. I also know my clothes were getting looser so BOOM!
This week has been an amazing one I have walked like a fiend!! I feel like I am getting back to how I was feeling last year. Winter was tough, I did not get outside like I wanted to and I found way to many excuses to not go to the gym. But I never stopped my clean eating habits. I know I will maintain this weight loss, sure I will have up and down pound wise but that is ok. I eat this way every single day, I do not make exceptions other than occasionally ranch on a salad if I eat out or dry toast. I LOVE this way of eating, I do not let myself feel deprived and I will not do anything to undo all the hard work I have put into this. One day I hope I will be a bit more relaxed but if I never do I am ok with that as well.
No food is ever going to be better than not being in pain, not being able to walk, not being able to get on the ground and play with my grand baby, not seeing my children grow old.
I am that person that finds reasons to get out of things I said I would do! I met this amazing lady through my beautiful friend from work. She is starting a business that will help girls and women feel fabulous and empowered. I met with her a couple of weeks ago and this morning we were going to meet with a few other women to do a photo shoot for her webpage. SO I woke up this morning to a sty in my eye, the PERFECT excuse to cancel doing something completely outside my comfort zone. BUT I did not cancel, I went and had so much fun.
Enjoyed laughing with Lynn, MacKenzie, her awesome hubby and photographer Paul and a great lady named Debbie who lives in the Gresham area close to me! I actually enjoyed the photo shoot and cannot wait to see the results of it. We did a good chunk of it around the Women’s Resource Center on the PSU campus. There was so much to see and happened to be next to the farmers market so got some produce to boot!
AND here is the proof of my hard work scale be damned. The top row of pictures is me about two months in and 20 pounds less than when I started and the bottom is today. I have lost 97.7 lbs and 60.25 inches!!! Once I hit my 100 lost I am going to do a breakdown of inches per body part just cuz I can! The other picture was an amazing walk I took the other day and this sweet YOUNG girl who let me buy her a drink at Dutch Bros…. Look at me next to her!!!
LIFE IS GOOD….no scratch that LIFE IS AWESOME!!!