21 Day Fix, Beach Body, Change, Clean_Eating, Cravings, Exercise, Fear, gratitude, Habit, Happiness, Journal, joy, LIFE IS GOOD, Mindfulness, New Beginnings, Shakeology, Uncategorized

My visit with the nutritionist

So one of the things I really struggle with is the feeling of guilt if I eat something not super clean and healthy. I know it is not rational I KNOW THAT but it is how my mind works right now. Thankfully my nutritionist helped me understand that does not make me abnormal! I feel sooooo bad if I eat bread or anything not 99% clean. I know that is something I have to work on and I am going to see a counselor there is just too much emotionally going on that has been unleashed. I will not feel embarrassed or ashamed about it. All too often people are shamed about depression or being on anti depressants or seeking counseling. BUT I did not spend the last year fighting to get healthy and not get healthy emotionally as well.

Tonight I went with my friend and had a tiny little pizza. It was so good, thin thin crust with no sauce little bit of feta, artichoke hearts, tomatoes and some green olives. Not bad at all for a pizza…. I also ate some potato wedges and I am not going to lie it has me feeling so guilty and bad. Instantly I wanted to go walk for miles but I did not allow myself. Instead I came in did some yoga and breathing, did some weights for my arms and still hit my 10,000 steps. That is the dangerous side of this weight loss thing… when you lose sight of the big picture and only obsess about every little pound or allow yourself to feel shamed for eating something not what you deem as healthy.

I cannot allow my addictive behavior to override what is healthy or sensible. I will not allow myself to be that person who ends up going from obese to become unhealthy skinny. And I will admit it is a fear I have. It seriously is taking all I can do to not flee outside. Instead I am going to take a bath, read part of my book and go to bed. I really think this is going to be the hardest part of this journey. It has to be about the whole body not just the scale.

I had an amazing visit with my friends, they have been so supportive of me. He is a marathon runner who teaches swimming, she is just this amazing centered person and they constantly remind me I am enough I AM ENOUGH. They remind me to not beat myself up that it is ok to eat a piece of pizza or a tater wedge. I feel so blessed to be surrounded by the people I am. Family, friends, coworker, people on here I have never met…. I. AM. BLESSED. and I need to embrace that, allow my body and mind and soul to heal a bit from this last year. BUT DANG IT IS HARD!!!!

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