I love Facebook memories and I love when the universe intervenes when I need it most…although most times I choose to ignore said intervention I really needed this. I have really been struggling since not being able to walk or exercise like I want to. I have gained some weight back, I am tired, in pain, depressed (partly due to my vitamin D deficiency) and just not eating the amount of food I should be. Although I am still eating as clean as I always do I am on days under eating and some days over eating and that my friends does not work. No matter how clean or healthy you eat, if you over or under eat you will see the results and they are not the ones you want.
I am finding I am slowly slipping back to that emotional state I was in when I first started this journey. I used to obsess about food it was in my every waking thought, what am I going to eat tomorrow what will I eat later today… and the last couple of weeks I have gotten back into that way of thinking. All night last night all I could think of was I want pancakes…I am not even a real fan of them for crying out loud. I am also that personality type that is not content with a faux version of pancake, or pasta or whatever it is my mind thinks it HAS to have, it is all or nothing for me. So this morning I woke up and instead of pancakes made a healthy mini 2 egg souffle with peppers, onions and a little feta. It was so much better than pancakes.
I am in a spot in my life where the stress is all consuming and when that happens with me I cannot shut my brain down. I struggle with it on a good day but the last month or so has been a nightmare of thoughts that just will not stop flooding my head. I struggle to sleep, I am distracted, It drives me insane! I am a worrier I worry about my children, I worry about my grandson, I worry about my finances, how will I pay the ridiculous rent in this city, I worry about my job, I worry if my hip and legs will ever get better, I worry that I am going to gain all my weight back, I worry that I worry too much, I worry and I do a kickass job of it! I know that it is pointless to worry but it is easier said than done to stop. I have spent a lifetime worrying and being the peace keeper of my world.
So this morning seeing this memory was so perfect. I needed a reminder of where I was, where I am now and proof that it works and is sustainable. I am determined to reel it back in. I am going to spend the day prepping the way I used to. I will be putting bags together for work for each day. This is my way of assuring I eat enough but do not eat over. It is rare I over eat and honestly the days I under eat are the times I feel the worst and see a gain in the scale. i have a terrible habit of sabotaging myself, I struggle still with self worth and there is still a part of me that sneaks in now and again and thinks I do not deserve this. But I am never going to let that part win EVER. So thank you universe for the reminder!
I have been really wanting spaghetti for some reason… normally I am not a pasta or tomato sauce person BUT I was tired of thinking about it so…. I made a relatively clean version of it. I found some fresh herb pasta although high in carbs (59 g) it is high in protein as well for a pasta (17 g).
I chopped fresh heirloom tomatoes (peeled skin off), garlic and basil and let sit. In pan heated up olive oil, garlic, green peppers, sugar snap peas and purple onions and sauteed. Added chopped zucchini, more garlic and tomato mix and let simmer for 5 minutes added a little pepper, oregano and salt. Cooked pasta topped with sauce and a little feta and viola’!
NOW for the memory from a year ago part….
If I had any doubt this new lifestyle works (and I don’t) today was proof positive it does. I reversed my type 2 diabetes a year ago but 2 weeks into this new lifestyle I had my A1C checked and found out I had bad numbers again. I asked my doctor if it was all the fruit I had started eating and she said no, that two weeks was not long enough to show a difference yet. I forgot to add this when I first posted. Those numbers would have been much higher if I had taken them prior to starting this. My eating was out of control. I think it is important to add those changes happened in 8 week time. That is how utterly life saving this program and lifestyle is.
Last week they called and said I had to go back on Metformin, I asked if we could re-run the tests and see if all this work made a difference. While I have not gotten my A1C results the rest of them were unreal. In 2008 my fasting triglycerides were 409 (should be under 199). A year ago they were 233, today 182. A year ago my LDL was 149 today 59! A year ago my total cholesterol was 242 today 136!
I may be able to go off my statin drugs now! I was talking to a friend at work and she said I need you to see something. When you called on my work cell your picture popped up and I was shocked. She showed me that picture that was taken a year ago.. when i started this I was 30 pounds heavier than that picture. I was astounded….. I have attached the picture from a year ago and one I took today after my walk this morning. It is 5:30 and I have already met my goal on my fitbit! The other picture is me not using a rubber band to button my pants for the first time in 20 years! I had to move my bra in a notch!
I wore a pair of pants I have not had on in probably 6 years and was told at work that I should never wear them again (by friends who said they were at risk for falling off lol). I wil never give up, I am so worth this journey. Thanks for the support, thank you to each of you my friends who have put up with my non-stop posts. Thank you for the kind words and support. You help keep me going.