Uncategorized

Unconditional Love

 

If you were to look up unconditional love in the dictionary there would be a picture of my mom and dad. I made it really hard to love me more often than not when growing up and honestly still do. I was obnoxious and when I was not annoying them I was ignoring them, being mean or breaking their heart. And yet they never gave up on me EVER. I never got it until I became a parent and then I thought oh man… Not that my kids were remotely like me but the feeling of helplessness, heart ache etc can be so over whelming.

I can call my mom anytime and vent and she just sits there and listens… When she says something I do not particularly appreciate (usually something I need to hear) and I snipe at her she takes it.. I cannot tell you the number of times I drove my mom and dad to tears and that breaks my heart. I understand now how painful it is to hear someone speak not so pleasant things about your child.

I absolutely under estimated her love for me or her strength. She is the strongest woman I know. As a teen I got involved in drugs and drinking, dropped out of school, ran away and ended up pregnant. I remember when CSD came to pick me up and I ran only to get picked up by the police at the high school. I was sooooo mad at them how DARE they. But they saved my life by doing what I can only imagine was an incredibly painful decision. I was vile, I swore at them, I called the judge every dirty word I could think of, I told them to throw my ass in jail… and they did. I persuaded them to let me call my mom and told her I would kill myself if she did not get me out. But they persisted and I was sent to Frenchglen and it was the best thing for me.

My mom was the rule maker, rule keeper and punishment dealer outer. I loved my dad but my mom was the the one who kept us in check. I remember thinking my dad did not love me because he never punished me because my friends dads did! Such a skewed way of thinking. He never laid a hand on me ever.

My son was critically injured and spent close to 2 months in the CCU and rehabilitation center. My mom put her life on hold and stayed in a camp trailer in the hospital parking lot so she could be there for me, my son and my daughter.

When my dad was diagnosed with cancer it was crushing…. but my mom, she spent every day for the next year taking care of him. She rarely left him because he got scared. She cleaned him when he messed, she loved him, although her heart was hurting she helped us deal with what was happening. I thanked her once for taking such good care of him and she told me that is just what people do and I told her no, not everyone puts their entire life on hold. Cancer is a bitch and it can change people, they are not aware of their behavior at some point and it can be so painful even when you know what they are saying is not really them. She worried about using hospice because other people might need it more, that is how my mom is.

So thank you mom, thank you for loving me at my worst, thank you for taking care of my precious dad, thank you for helping me raise my kids. Thank you for what you give to your community, thank you for loving my friends and taking in stray humans on holidays! Thank you for showing me what a mom is and helping me become the mom I am. I love you and hope your day is nothing short of spectacular!

2 thoughts on “Unconditional Love”

  1. Thank you my sweet Theresa. I loved you then and I love you now. And you really weren’t as unlovable as you think you were:)

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s