Day 1 – 30 Day Challenge . Last year around this time I was challenged to a 30 day positive challenge. I am going to do it again as the memories on Facebook popping up have been amazing. However this year my challenge is to everyday find something to be thankful for regardless of how the day went. I will also be true to how I am really feeling. I did a lot of covering up last year, always putting on a smiling face because I had been taken to task by a few people on being honest…they interpreted that as being “woe is me or ungrateful”.
Today is Mother’s Day and I am unable to spend it with my children, grandson or mom. Last year the weather was beautiful and I went for a hike. This year I have a messed up back and hip and it is raining but that is ok. It is the little things in life that make it good. I cleaned, I stretched, I cooked a tasty dinner and made extra for work. I heard from my son, daughter and mom! I inadvertently flashed some men in the parking lot I mean who can say their day has been that fun filled! I soaked in an epsom salt tub, I even shaved my legs!
Some might read this and think…of that poor woman alone on Mother’s Day… how sad. But I have learned the last 2 years since starting this journey that life is what we make it. It will be full of ups and downs and sideways. I have amazing friends, some I have known my entire life, some I have never met other than on social media and some I have met since moving to the city 18 years ago.
July 20, 2015 will be 2 years since I took back my life. It has not always been easy but every single struggle has been worth it and every single victory has been even sweeter. I am not done, likely I will never be done. I spent 38 years hiding behind obesity. I spent those 38 years masking a pain that at times cut me to the core and left me fighting to not end my life. BUT I never gave up and I never will give up. I will embrace the good, the bad and the ugly and I will be honest about it.
I am sitting here listening to the rain and some thunder. I have horrible tinnitus and it can be truly debilitating I think what angers me most about it is I cannot enjoy solitude. If you have not suffered it I think it is really hard to understand. I realized just how bad it was when I was hiking awhile back and the silence was deafening…literally… It was painful how loud the ringing was, sometimes it reverberates and sometimes it just hurts. BUT I am finding with my better eating habits and breathing habits I can stand it a bit better. I almost always have the tv on for sound. I am sitting here with it off and actually enjoying the sound of the rain and occasional car.
Like I said it is the little things in life, a sound machine, the rain and wind, a healthy meal. A tub full of epsom salts and a razor to shave with. A view that is so beautiful even in the darkest of rainy days.