Change, Clean_Eating, climbin, Cravings, Exercise, Fear, forgiveness, Grateful, gratitude, Habit, Happiness, Journey to happiness, LIFE IS GOOD, Loss, Mindfulness, New Beginnings, Pain, Sadness, Uncategorized

Baby got Back…or will get Back!

I have had a lot of facebook memories popping up the last few months. Most involve having met my weight loss goal and the back issues I have had the last year or so. I got derailed, stopped blogging and lost sight of things. In my effort to get fit and lose weight I messed up my back and hip. I was walking 10-15 miles every single day for the better part of a year. I pushed myself, lost sight of the joy I had gotten from being out doors and was more obsessed with how fast and how far I could go. Having an addictive personality is a double edged sword.

Thus started my gaining 80 of the 120 I had lost. Losing the joy I had gained by being outdoors. Depression setting back in. Mostly non stop steroid for more than a year. I was lucky enough to find an amazing doctor who tried every single thing he could think of before sending me to another wonderful doctor. After more than a year of steroids and spinal shots they decided to do RFA. Basically they pinpoint which nerves are being pissy and they cauterize them. The hope is they will stop shooting pain signals to my brain. It is likely IF it is successful that I will need it done a time or two more to stop them regenerating. Success if usually 60% relief which 200% better than what I am having.

This is whole new path for me. The pain is vastly different in the last week. My butt cheek on the good side goes numb when I stand or walk. The good sides lower leg hurts and feels on fire. They did both sides but I still am a bit shocked at how the good side is the problem child right now. I have done a ton of research and the back feeling sunburned is normal and lasts a couple of weeks. I assume the butt and leg issue on the good side is just the pissing off of nerves that were only slightly mad. It is a rather interesting procedure but invasive so causes a lot of angry nerves! On the plus side the bad side is still somewhat numbed from the steroids etc so I am not feeling it on both sides….yet! It is a new journey, I have to strengthen my core… a core I do not have due to multiple surgeries. It weakens your back so it is essential to get a core and strengthen my back muscles or this has been for not.


Going forward is going to be about taking it slow and easy but consistently working on it. I am focusing on my eating again, doing small walks and exercises the therapist has given me. Today I decided to drive to get some organic veggies. I love wandering through looking at the different types of veggies and fruits they offer. They had these amazing beautiful flowers. I am forcing myself to enjoy the everyday beauty. Until I can get back to my hiking and the views it gives I have to find new kinds of pretty.

Yesterday on the way home from work I drove up to one of my favorite spots in the city. Mt. Tabor was so important to me when I was first walking and losing. It is this gorgeous oasis in the middle of our city. Yesterday I walked around the reservoir. Such a tiny little walk but was gorgeous and so quiet and felt oh so good! There was a British gent there who was reading, having tea and just chilling with his pup.

So here I am on a new venture with the same outcome hopes but a very different path. I started my journey on 7-20-2015. On 2-09-2018 I took a different fork in the path. Along with 2 friends we have decided to weigh every Friday at work, I will also measure and take a picture every other week. Being honest and sharing was so helpful to me last time I am going to do it again. So stats for the last 3 week are as follows…drum roll please….


  • Weight 265
  • Neck 15 1/2
  • Arm  L 15 1/2  R 15 1/2
  • Chest 51 1/2
  • Under bra 42
  • Waist 50
  • Hip 51 1/2
  • Thigh L 23  R 22 1/2
  • Calf L 14 1/2  R 14 3/4


  • Weight 259


  • Weight 257.5
  • Neck 15
  • Arm  L 15  R 15
  • Chest 51 1/2
  • Under bra 42
  • Waist 48 3/4
  • Hip 51
  • Thigh L 22 1/2  R 22 1/2
  • Calf L 14 1/2  R 14 3/4

I took a lot of pictures through the first year I lost all the weight. It is so telling way more than the scale. These are 2 weeks apart and you can see how cutting the carbs and eating more, drinking more water makes a difference in the bloat.


Here are some pictures from the first year. I like to keep it handy, it reminds me where I was, where I got and how I can get back there again. It was never really about the loss of pounds on the scale although I did become obsessed with it. It is about feeling good in my skin, being as healthy as I can be and being able to be active. 170109


  • Weight 253

So here I am back at square one but I have high hopes… hopes my back issues will get better, hopes my depression will ease, hopes I can hike again, hopes that even though I will stumble I will remember to always get back up


Change, Cravings, Fear, forgiveness, Grateful, gratitude, Habit, Happiness, Journey to happiness, joy, kindness, LIFE IS GOOD, Mindfulness, New Beginnings, Uncategorized

Memories….like the corner…oh never mind


Some days my facebook memories are many some days none at all. This was one from last year, I keep wanting my facebook to be about finding me and getting healthy and blah blah blah. Then I get sucked into what most people use facebook for… sharing stories about what is happening in the world, passive aggressive bitching, poking fun at people, sharing about our families which is actually good, etc. I have to get myself back to where I was last year. I am out of control! My anger, my depression, my weight gain, my everything. So I kind of looked the post over and added ** a few words to it. Painful as some memories are they are great reminders of where you were, how far you have come and how sometimes you have taken 2 steps forward and 15 miles worth backwards!

“If you are going to look back on your past..then look how far you have come”

I had said earlier that I bought a journal that is questions, statements etc for each day of the year. It is undated and I am just randomly picking them for each day. They make me really ponder sometimes to come up with an answer, sometimes it is easy. (**CLEARLY this lasted for about 2 weeks maybe less!! I need to pick it back up**)

Today’s journal words are “If you are going to look back on your past….then look how far you have come..”

This one is pretty easy for me because this whole journey has been about my past and how to stop letting it dictate my choices and stop dwelling on it (**enter 2017 and not doing such a great job on this one**).

I look back at my past and for most of my life and most definitely the last 38 years of it I have lived it in fear. Fear has ruled my life… sometimes I did not even know what the heck I was fearing. It has been hard taking a good hard look at it. I feared my parents would divorce, I feared my friends would hate me, I feared I would be victimized again, I feared I would be a huge failure at being a good parent, I feared my marriage would end in divorce and I would be alone for the rest of my life, I feared I would never be able to enjoy intimacy, I feared I would be a drug addict or alcoholic my whole life. I feared I would lose my job and not be able to pay my bills. I feared I would remain unlovable that I would never control my eating or stop smoking. I feared I would believe I was ugly and not worthy the rest of my life. I feared I would get that dreaded call your child has been killed, when I got the call that my son had been critically injured and was not sure he would survive which set in motion 14 years of REALLY dreading calls from my mom or other family members. I still worry just not as much (** OK THIS IS A BALDFACE LIE!! I HATE how my stomach gets in knots anytime my phone rings or a text comes in… I know it is not reasonable but I cannot help it. There are many reasons why and I am not getting into those but dang enough already Theresa get a grip on yourself!!**). I could keep going but it is a never ending list of fear.

I shed most of those fears over the last 9 months. I no longer fear being victimized (**ok this one I am honestly struggling with again**), my parents stayed married until my father died so that fear is gone. My friends love me and I know now the real ones will stay with me forever (**so I have lost quite a few “friends” this year due to my being vocal about this or that but I am ok with that**). I have been clean for 34 years I will never worry about that addiction again (**although drugs and alcohol are not an issue I am most definitely struggling with the addiction to food, I need to remember addictions come in all colors and sizes and types**). I have been smoke free for 22 years, turns out I did an ok job on the parenting and I think I will be a great grandma ! My marriages did end in divorce but for the first time in 30 years I can envision wanting to spend my life with someone (**2017 SCRATCH that vision!! I am more afraid now then ever before I just simply cannot let my fear, baggage and things from my past go at least not yet and THAT makes me a bad candidate for relationships. It would not be fair to the other person**).

I still worry about losing my job but I also know I am smart and will land on my feet and find something else if it were to happen (**I may have been pretending that I was ok if that happened haha I do not do well with change**). No matter how tough things have gotten for me financially I have always been able to pay my bills. For the first time in my life I feel worthy, worthy of love, respect, happiness (**reality is I feel NONE of those things… I do not think I felt them last year either but thought it was expected of me so said it. I have been pretty beaten down this last year, by my health, my own self, and some others…. It is ok, do not need to be told I am all those things and a bag o chips. In time perhaps I will come to truly believe it but until then I will keep plodding along, try my best to not keep derailing myself based on my belief that I am not worthy and one day maybe I will really believe i**) . I no longer feel I am an ugly person inside and out.I not only lost weight but I lost the fear that had dictated my choice to make myself live as an obese person. (**NOPE see the comment above!**)

It is hard to explain why the loss of the weight has freed me from so much fear. The only way to explain is fear is what made me decide to gain weight so I would never be hurt again. Shedding that “protective layer” means that whole being is no more. My new fear is who am I really… Will I like the new me.. I guess the answer to the sentence for today is I have come farther than I ever though imaginable. In 10 months I shed 38+ years of fear. I have come a long way baby!! I have a long way to go but I am going to kick fears ass.

(**So the flip side of the paragraph before this is…. the loss of weight freed me for a brief time and then attention and my mind thinking maybe I could actually have someone in my life reminded me why I got fat in the first place and boom… weight back on. Now thankfully it is not the entire amount but man I am struggling with it. NO I cannot just let it go, NO I cannot shut my mind off and only think positive rainbow and unicorn thoughts, NO I cannot pretend like that violent act will ever leave me or leave my thoughts. YES there is hope, there is always hope but sometimes that hope fades and then comes back and then fades and over and over. I will not give up, I will likely drive myself crazy and anyone else that comes along for my ride. If I stay single the rest of my life out of fear I am ok with that, I have done it for a very long time and am quite anti social. If I end up in one cool beans. BUT I will not get in one just because. I will not damage another person because I have trust or intimacy issues. I enjoy my own company, I love hiking by myself and I can survive the rest of my life alone. But maybe… just maybe…. there will come a time where I am ok with letting someone else in.**)

Change, Chicken, Clean_Eating, Cravings, Exercise, Fear, Habit, Journey to happiness, Kitchen, LIFE IS GOOD, New Beginnings, Uncategorized

Vitamins & Minerals Oh My! (day 6 of 30)

My struggle to eat as healthy as possible has hit a bump. I ate so clean and loved every minute of it a year ago and then…… old Theresa came back. Now I do not eat terrible but I do not eat as good as I used to. My ultimate goal is to become strictly vegetarian. But until I can do that healthfully I am will continue to eat chicken now and again.

I found this book on vitamins and minerals, that is truly what I struggle getting enough of, so I am going to study it and I am going to conquer the battle of healthy eating. I cannot believe how far off track I have gotten and that feeling of terrible bloating is back with a vengeance.  I miss walking but you know what I will get there again. My sad laundry list of aches and pains seems to grow almost daily and I know the key to combating this is to eat as healthy and clean as possible.

I have been trying to find something cool to take pictures of daily and share but all day today I had a headache and muscle spasms that were worse every time I breathed and well… breathing is essential so I just grabbed the column I pas every day on my way into work. You can barely see it but I got a sliver of the moon as well. So that said this is a short post today. I am going to prop myself in front of the fan in my bedroom and start reading my book. Tomorrow morning I will grab a few vegetables from the farmers market and Sunday is an MRI.

The way every moment is a new beginning.

If you feel stressed and stuck, let go, take a deep breath and appreciate the fact that this moment is a new beginning.  Stop thinking about what might have been and starting looking at what can be.  Right now is a perfect time to start over.  This moment is a brand new opportunity to rebuild what you truly want.

There are three little words that can release you from your past struggles and regrets and guide you forward to a positive new beginning.  These words are: “From now on…”

**Marc and Angel Hack Life

21 Day Fix, Beach Body, Clean_Eating, Cravings, Exercise, Fear, gratitude, Habit, Happiness, Journey to happiness, joy, kindness, Shakeology, Uncategorized

Time to Refocus

Many of you know my back story and how I got to be 300 pound Theresa. Many of you know that on July 2015 I made a promise to myself. I promised I would commit 100% for 21 days while doing the 21 day fix. I did those 21 days and recommitted myself to another then another then another. I set a goal of losing 140 pounds.
I hit 100 lost and met with a dietitian who asked me why I thought I needed to lose another 40. I could not get beyond the number. She asked me to look in the mirror and what I saw was 300 pound Theresa even though I was 180. She told me to look again really look… Even though I was 180 pounds and a size 10 I still saw size 28, 300 pound Theresa. I started my journey at 280 which was not even my heaviest. I said I was afraid my body at 5’3″ could not handle still being 180 I was in pain. She told me to take a rest and work on my mind…that my body could handle it. That if after a month or so I still felt I needed to lose I could. Reality is every person I told I still needed to lose another 40 stated I would be unhealthy and that is true. I looked and felt healthy at 180.
I was hiking 10 to 15 miles a day, I was obsessed with it. I had gone from not being able to move to hiking that amount in about 4 months time. I pushed my body so hard that I hit a wall. My pain was so bad but I was so afraid to slow down so kept pushing and then that wall stopped me. I started physical therapy and was told no more hikes for a while. My depression hit back. At one point I had gotten to 170 but slowly the pounds started going back on. And today I sit at 202.
Reality is I was not burning 4500 calories a day anymore, I was not eating bad but I was not burning those calories. Then financially I also hit a wall and made the decision I could not afford Shakeology any more. In my mind I really thought I was going to be ok, that I could maintain. Emotionally I have also hit a wall. I feel like everywhere I turn is a damn wall. I am not the happy person I was 6 months ago, my clothes do not fit, my body hurts so bad, emotionally I am a mess. All my stress is not about my weight etc. There is so much to it but not something I can share.
Final straw for me was more like a bale of straw. My underwire is poking me in my arms and my boobs are spilling over my bra, my pants are tight (I had to put away my 10’s and dig out my 14/16 I had saved to give away). My underwear are too tight (do not be jelly of my paisley panties I NEVER thought I would share that picture!). I am a bit more winded walking with my friend in the mall. My results from the xrays were not want I expected and although they are not good I finally have an answer for some of the pain. But the biggest issue is I am not happy… I am not sleeping, I am angry, I am not a nice person. I am slipping back to that damaged angry depressed Theresa I was a year and a half ago. I do not want to be that person.
I am so determined to not give up. I have a beautiful little grandson I need to be alive for, I have an amazing son and daughter. I have wonderful family and friends. I have EVERYTHING to live for. I am not going to give up. I am going to get refocused. This is not me feeling sorry for myself, this is not me beating myself up, this is me being honest, taking responsibility for my actions. One day the numbers will not matter, I am trying to focus less on that and more on just being as healthy as I can be. This is me taking back my life once again, this is me not giving up. This me making ME a priority.
I have sat here tonight crying, staring at the computer debating if once again I should post something. I worry people are just going to say enough. I know I say that all the time but I really do worry. BUT this is what kept me honest, this is what helped me though some of the toughest, scariest times. So I bit the bullet and signed up for the yearly pass with shakeo. I know one day I will not need to use it or at least not daily but until then I will go back to using it and focusing on eating as clean as I was. No more excuses, taking the added weight off, dedicating myself to eating as clean as I was again are going to be what helps with the pain.
I will get back to where I can walk, I will get back to happy Theresa.. I need to learn to be ok with walking a mile or two maybe one day I will get back to that monster hiker I was but slow and steady will win this race. I will learn to be ok with monster hikes being occasional and not daily. I made a collage of varying times in this journey and I realize that even in my snappy coral pants which my lowest I was not my happiest. The picture of me in the blue jacket, the trip I took with my daughter to the coast shows my joy. It was carefree, I did not obsess over the top on food, I did not even get the amount of walking in I had hoped for. But I SLOWED down, I just looked at things, I took it all in, I was truly happy that week. I will be ok… I am tougher than I think. Goodnight sweet friends. 170109.jpg
21 Day Fix, Beach Body, Change, Clean Eating Recipes, Clean_Eating, Cravings, Exercise, Fear, gratitude, Habit, Happiness, Journey to happiness, joy, LIFE IS GOOD, Mindfulness, New Beginnings, Shakeology, Uncategorized

Thank You Universe for Stepping In….

I love Facebook memories and I love when the universe intervenes when I need it most…although most times I choose to ignore said intervention I really needed this. I have really been struggling since not being able to walk or exercise like I want to. I have gained some weight back, I am tired, in pain, depressed (partly due to my vitamin D deficiency) and just not eating the amount of food I should be. Although I am still eating as clean as I always do I am on days under eating and some days over eating and that my friends does not work. No matter how clean or healthy you eat, if you over or under eat you will see the results and they are not the ones you want.
I am finding I am slowly slipping back to that emotional state I was in when I first started this journey. I used to obsess about food it was in my every waking thought, what am I going to eat tomorrow what will I eat later today… and the last couple of weeks I have gotten back into that way of thinking. All night last night all I could think of was I want pancakes…I am not even a real fan of them for crying out loud. I am also that personality type that is not content with a faux version of pancake, or pasta or whatever it is my mind thinks it HAS to have, it is all or nothing for me. So this morning I woke up and instead of pancakes made a healthy mini 2 egg souffle with peppers, onions and a little feta. It was so much better than pancakes.
I am in a spot in my life where the stress is all consuming and when that happens with me I cannot shut my brain down. I struggle with it on a good day but the last month or so has been a nightmare of thoughts that just will not stop flooding my head. I struggle to sleep, I am distracted, It drives me insane! I am a worrier I worry about my children, I worry about my grandson, I worry about my finances, how will I pay the ridiculous rent in this city, I worry about my job, I worry if my hip and legs will ever get better, I worry that I am going to gain all my weight back, I worry that I worry too much, I worry and I do a kickass job of it! I know that it is pointless to worry but it is easier said than done to stop. I have spent a lifetime worrying and being the peace keeper of my world.
So this morning seeing this memory was so perfect. I needed a reminder of where I was, where I am now and proof that it works and is sustainable. I am determined to reel it back in. I am going to spend the day prepping the way I used to. I will be putting bags together for work for each day. This is my way of assuring I eat enough but do not eat over. It is rare I over eat and honestly the days I under eat are the times I feel the worst and see a gain in the scale. i have a terrible habit of sabotaging myself, I struggle still with self worth and there is still a part of me that sneaks in now and again and thinks I do not deserve this. But I am never going to let that part win EVER. So thank you universe for the reminder!

I have been really wanting spaghetti for some reason… normally I am not a pasta or tomato sauce person BUT I was tired of thinking about it so…. I made a relatively clean version of it. I found some fresh herb pasta although high in carbs (59 g) it is high in protein as well for a pasta (17 g).

I chopped fresh heirloom tomatoes (peeled skin off), garlic and basil and let sit. In pan heated up olive oil, garlic, green peppers, sugar snap peas and purple onions and sauteed. Added chopped zucchini, more garlic and tomato mix and let simmer for 5 minutes added a little pepper, oregano and salt. Cooked pasta topped with sauce and a little feta and viola’!


NOW for the memory from a year ago part….
If I had any doubt this new lifestyle works (and I don’t) today was proof positive it does. I reversed my type 2 diabetes a year ago but 2 weeks into this new lifestyle I had my A1C checked and found out I had bad numbers again. I asked my doctor if it was all the fruit I had started eating and she said no, that two weeks was not long enough to show a difference yet. I forgot to add this when I first posted. Those numbers would have been much higher if I had taken them prior to starting this. My eating was out of control. I think it is important to add those changes happened in 8 week time. That is how utterly life saving this program and lifestyle is.
Last week they called and said I had to go back on Metformin, I asked if we could re-run the tests and see if all this work made a difference. While I have not gotten my A1C results the rest of them were unreal. In 2008 my fasting triglycerides were 409 (should be under 199). A year ago they were 233, today 182. A year ago my LDL was 149 today 59! A year ago my total cholesterol was 242 today 136!
I may be able to go off my statin drugs now! I was talking to a friend at work and she said I need you to see something. When you called on my work cell your picture popped up and I was shocked. She showed me that picture that was taken a year ago.. when i started this I was 30 pounds heavier than that picture. I was astounded….. I have attached the picture from a year ago and one I took today after my walk this morning. It is 5:30 and I have already met my goal on my fitbit! The other picture is me not using a rubber band to button my pants for the first time in 20 years! I had to move my bra in a notch!
I wore a pair of pants I have not had on in probably 6 years and was told at work that I should never wear them again (by friends who said they were at risk for falling off lol). I wil never give up, I am so worth this journey. Thanks for the support, thank you to each of you my friends who have put up with my non-stop posts. Thank you for the kind words and support. You help keep me going.
21 Day Fix, Beach Body, Change, Clean_Eating, Cravings, Exercise, Fear, gratitude, Habit, Happiness, Journal, joy, LIFE IS GOOD, Mindfulness, New Beginnings, Shakeology, Uncategorized

My visit with the nutritionist

So one of the things I really struggle with is the feeling of guilt if I eat something not super clean and healthy. I know it is not rational I KNOW THAT but it is how my mind works right now. Thankfully my nutritionist helped me understand that does not make me abnormal! I feel sooooo bad if I eat bread or anything not 99% clean. I know that is something I have to work on and I am going to see a counselor there is just too much emotionally going on that has been unleashed. I will not feel embarrassed or ashamed about it. All too often people are shamed about depression or being on anti depressants or seeking counseling. BUT I did not spend the last year fighting to get healthy and not get healthy emotionally as well.

Tonight I went with my friend and had a tiny little pizza. It was so good, thin thin crust with no sauce little bit of feta, artichoke hearts, tomatoes and some green olives. Not bad at all for a pizza…. I also ate some potato wedges and I am not going to lie it has me feeling so guilty and bad. Instantly I wanted to go walk for miles but I did not allow myself. Instead I came in did some yoga and breathing, did some weights for my arms and still hit my 10,000 steps. That is the dangerous side of this weight loss thing… when you lose sight of the big picture and only obsess about every little pound or allow yourself to feel shamed for eating something not what you deem as healthy.

I cannot allow my addictive behavior to override what is healthy or sensible. I will not allow myself to be that person who ends up going from obese to become unhealthy skinny. And I will admit it is a fear I have. It seriously is taking all I can do to not flee outside. Instead I am going to take a bath, read part of my book and go to bed. I really think this is going to be the hardest part of this journey. It has to be about the whole body not just the scale.

I had an amazing visit with my friends, they have been so supportive of me. He is a marathon runner who teaches swimming, she is just this amazing centered person and they constantly remind me I am enough I AM ENOUGH. They remind me to not beat myself up that it is ok to eat a piece of pizza or a tater wedge. I feel so blessed to be surrounded by the people I am. Family, friends, coworker, people on here I have never met…. I. AM. BLESSED. and I need to embrace that, allow my body and mind and soul to heal a bit from this last year. BUT DANG IT IS HARD!!!!


21 Day Fix, Beach Body, Clean_Eating, climbin, Cravings, Exercise, gratitude, Journey to happiness, kindness, Shakeology, Uncategorized

Closer Every Day

That is my new mantra… I received that t-shirt from Beach Body for submitting my use of the 21 Day Fix. I did not realize just how much I would end up loving that shirt or just how many people would ask what it means and be inspired by my story. So here is my week in play!

April 1st

DISCLAIMER – I am having a bit of a pity party today….

Today was kind of an odd day. Feeling a bit out of sorts all day, angry, stressed, depressed and have the chills. I decided to leave work a little early and took a little nap. Still feeling kinda antsy so ate dinner and decided to go for a walk. The weather has been crazy nice so decided to take a detour and walk around a man made lake. It was beautiful, the sun was just starting to set and the birds are chirping. So peaceful.

As I was walking back home I was thinking why am I feeling all out of sorts. I think it is because I have been doing a lot of stepping outside my comfort zone.. the last couple of weeks have been about growing and healing and that can be painful at times. But the reality is like will be full of these moments, how I handle them is up to me. I am in charge of my future, I dictate my happiness, my successes and my failures.

As I was reflecting on this and thinking how proud of myself I am that I have been doing this…. a guy drives by and yells something rude at me. Then not 3 minutes later a truck drives by with three guys and they bark out the window at me. All the sudden I was that fat girl being made fun of again. All I could think was am I ever NOT going to be looked at as this less than ok person? I could go right and within 3 minutes be in the safety of my home or I could go straight, finish my walk and spend another mile and a half being vulnerable.

I choose to go straight, I have not worked hard the last 8 months to let some asshat jerk ruin my love for walking. That said I fought back tears for a bit because that pain of being ridiculed and judged came flashing back. BUT again I and I alone am responsible for how I react to these things. Reality is the world is full of hateful mean people but it is more full of amazing, loving and supportive people. Now I will admit the old Theresa came GLARING out and I did flip him off, am I proud of it… no… but that is ok too, hey I am not perfect…yet

I have a few things coming up that are going to stretch my comfort level hugely! Tomorrow I am going to celebrate with my bestie and I am wearing a dress and that is way outside my zone of ok. I think the other two things are part of what is really pushing my emotions.

Life is full of growth and change, happiness and sadness, pain and joy and how we choose to react to it is up to us. We are the owners of our own happiness and sadness. I cannot lay it on anyone else.

So turns out the dress was ok… I felt completely comfortable and had an great time. My buddy from work went with me and I got to see my best friend get married. She was STUNNING!

April 3rd

First day of dog sitting the dogs are adorable and they live off Lacamas Lake so it was a nice walk to get there and even nicer walk around it. My first day there I walked the length of it to the end of the trail and got a little over 7 miles in. It was a hot day for us but the breeze off the lake was awesome. Grilled veggies for dinner!


April 4th

What a day. Had to commute from The Couv to Portland this morning. Got to work realized I didn’t have my wallet or driver’s license or money… Got home look for my wallet and could not find it anywhere. Call the last place I used it at they said they didn’t have it but I decided to pop in there anyway. Of course this was after I spent an hour-and-a-half tearing my car apart. So much for my walk. But thank God they did have it and I got a little walk in before it got dark. Then I plugged in that big old jetted tub and took a soak. That’s the upside of doggy sitting for people who make way more money than I do haha.


April 5th

This my friends is why Public Access is so important oh my God this park is amazing. If you have not been to Lacamas Park you need to go. I will totally drive from Gresham to here on a weekend to spend the day there was so many paths I just didn’t have time tonight. So Serene nothing but the water and the birds and the occasional hiker/biker.


April 9th

What an amazing day! 2 different people asked what my shirt meant (closer every day) although one person thought it said clover smile emoticon I explained and then they asked me to tell my story! One gal has diabetes she said she has hope now.

I hiked an amazing hike this morning AND the trash and homeless camps are gone from my beloved butte! I chatted with people, petted dogs and conquered the one dreaded trail I have been avoiding.

Today I prepped food and will finish tomorrow. Decided to take another walk and found an awesome trail that goes forever and ends up by a park across town. It goes behind aTarget so tomorrow I am headed that way again with some fruit and will stop at the store and grab some crackers and cheese and water and have a Lil picnic!

Was headed back in the building and 3 tenants I used to visit with just looked at me. I was waiting for the elevator and heard a knock on the glass door. They realized it was me and we’re yelling OMG and giving me the thumbs up! Seriously how frigging awesome is it that others are so excited and happy for me!!! Many I don’t even know.



I am trying to get better about listening to my body. I did learn something this week while I was house sitting. I eat clean like really really clean and I went out and had a burrito bowl no tortilla and no sour cream with minimal cheese. Prior to starting this I had severe IBS and I have not had any issues since July… Until I ate the burrito bowl, 2 days of feeling literally like shit!

So lesson learned, even though I could have chosen worse, it was not like I am used to. The veggies were greasy and I am sure the beans were not vegetarian.

I am struggling more, feeling like I need to eat something else. Not hungry really just mentally slipping. I know I have to step up my water intake and I have to get to measuring and counting again. I have not weighed for a couple of weeks but did this morning and I am where I was a month ago. I am OK with the scale for the time being but I am not done and I need to get focused so I can meet goal and work on maintaining. I think it is important to continue to be honest and transparent about my journey so there ya go.


Was attempting to make salad rolls FAIL. but it made a good salad instead. Awesome hike this morning



Before I headed to bed a couple of days ago I checked my test results online and WOOOOT my A1C is even lower than the last test!!! YAY Beach Body, Shakeology, Clean Eating and 21 Day Fix continue to save my life!!

Standard range
9/16/15 4/8/16
HbA1c Monitor
<=7.9 %
Sep 2015 – 5.9 Apr 2016 – 5.6

This was the day I decided I wanted mexican food but had to walk to the restaurant to get it!3-300

21 Day Fix, Beach Body, Clean_Eating, climbin, Cravings, Exercise, gratitude, Habit, Journey to happiness, kindness, Loss, rain, Shakeology, Uncategorized

theresa in ONEderland


July 20, 2015…. the day I decided to get my life and health back. I have tried so many diets and bought many get fit quick machines and/or tools to no avail. I had reversed my diabetes and thought I was doing a fairly good job of keeping it at bay….and then I got my test resuls back. My type 2 diabetes had returned with a vengeance, my blood pressure was through the roof and my cholesterol etc were off the charts. I had not heard from my doctor on what to do so kind of brushed it off.

One day a gal who was friends with several of my friends contacted me regarding Shakeology. She had seen my posts regarding needing to get healthy and not having much success. She did not pressure me, just put a little bug in my ear. I am one of those people who may buy all the other kinds of tools but did not put any stock in quick fix meal replacement or pill types of diets. I brushed her off and then Kathy a lady I met through another friend on Facebook sort of took me under her wing, she gently prodded me and planted seeds and then sat back and waited for them to take root and boy did they.

I steadfastly believed unless you learned to modify your eating habits you would never lose weigh successfully… did I live by that…. no. Mid July my doctor informed me I was going to have to go back on Metformin for my diabetes. I was crushed and just ignored her but lamented on my FB page about it. Then Heather contacted me again and I thought what do I have to lose but told her I would likely only do one month. Shakeology is expensive and I decided if I was paying that much for a month I better make the best of it and do it 100%. I opted for the 21 Day Fix challenge pack.

Like I said, I was going to give this my all, I got my package and set about preparing. I spent days trying to come up with a food plan, how I was going to prep etc. I worked myself into such a frenzy my eye started twitching and I was in tears. HOW can I do this if it is this hard and I have not even started!!! I pushed it aside for a day or so and then decided I just had to start as simply as possible.

A week in I had become a food prepping fool. I pre-blended my fruits and veggies and pre-measured and froze them. I made batches of quinoa, chili, soup, roasted beets, cooked ground chicken, you name it I prepped it. I through out every single thing in my house that was processed. That day I cut out all sugar…no more bacon breakfast cheese egg bagels every morning at work, no more 5 shot espresso, no more Joe Browns popcorn every afternoon.

I started this journey on 7-20-15 weighing 280.4 pounds, BMI of 54.2 and 290.25 inches (total of different body parts). My A1C was 6.8 and my blood pressure was 142/82. Below are what my cholesterol etc were at. I was a heart attach in the making.

Cholesterol 242 mg/dL <=239 mg/dL H
Fasting Trig 233 mg/dL <=199 mg/dL H
HDL Chol 46 mg/dL >=40 mg/dL
LDL Calc 149 mg/dL <=159 mg/dL

I asked my doctor if I could hold off on the meds until I finished this 21 day course and she agreed. I was not able to do exercise, I could barely walk down the hall at my apartments without being in pain. All of the sudden my 21 days was up and had lost 13.4 pounds and 8 inches! But even better than  that they reran my blood tests and the results were astounding! My blood pressure was down to 128/72 and my A1C was 5.9 I was no longer considered diabetic! BUT check out my labs for cholesterol!

Component Your Value Standard Range Flag
Cholesterol 136 mg/dL <=239 mg/dL
Fasting Trig 182 mg/dL <=199 mg/dL
HDL Chol 40 mg/dL >=40 mg/dL
LDL Calc 59 mg/dL <=159 mg/dL

Slowly I started walking, I had shin splints that would not stop. I could not walk across my parking lot, and it is small, without shin splints. I decided I was going to do one more round of the 21 day fix clean eating and lost another 8.5 pounds and 8.3 inches! How could stop this new lifestyle! I will say without a doubt that Shakeology helped me have ZERO cravings. I know clean eating played a huge part in that as well but I literally had no desire for sugar or carbs or coffee. All of the sudden people are asking me what I was doing, my skin was clearer and I was happier and the weight loss was starting to show.

Eventually I was walking a mile, then 2 then 3 and now I walk/hike between 7-15 a day depending on the day. I have even started jogging and am going to do a 5K and a half marathon this year.

I am astounded at the people who have started following my blog, that reach out to me on Facebook. I am talking people from all over the world, it is unreal! When I decided to do this I made a choice to be transparent and honest. To put it all out there for anyone to see, it helped me be accountable. I believe in this more than I ever thought possible. I no longer eat red meat, I only eat pork if I am at my moms lol. I eat minimal chicken and have started the process of becoming vegetarian and ultimately will become vegan.

I have friends who share their immense knowledge with me regarding the dangers of types of food. I am a google searching healthaphobe. I want to know everything I can about GMO and dangers of certain foods. I am determined to live the healthiest life I can and to share my knowledge with anyone wanting to hear it. I became a coach for Beach Body although I have not done anything with it. I will include my information if anyone is interested at the end of the blog.

When people ask me what they need to know or do to have success like I have, I tell them the following:

  • Take pictures, measure and weigh
  • Throw out and do not purchase processed foods (if you do nothing else this will help you lose weight and live longer)
  • NEVER EVER say ONLY or JUST when talking about your losses
  • This is a journey not a race so slow and steady
  • Every body is different you will not lose the same as anyone else. Do not get discouraged if you are not losing weight at the pace you want. Look at your pictures, look at your clothes, how are you feeling, measure yourself again… those things are so much more important than that damn number on the scale.
    • NEVER EVER say ONLY or JUST when talking about your losses (I know I said this before but I cannot say it enough)
    • Challenge yourself to also include 21 days of no negativity. My friend challenged me to that and it has become second nature for me now.. ok I fail at it now and again but I am human!
  • They say 80/20 as far as being clean but for me I am clean 100% of the time. My idea of a cheat is a little ranch on the side if I am eating salad out or dry toast if I am having breakfast at a restaurant. You do not have to be as rigid as I am but I am unwilling to undo all my hard work. AND I truly do not feel deprived.
  • You WILL hit plateaus so do not get discouraged, do not use it as an excuse to stop being healthy.

My goal initially was to lose 150 pounds but I am more realistic now and realize my body is not the same as it was when I weighed 130 and it likely will not look good on me. I am now content to continue on this journey and I will know when it is time to start the maintenance part of my new life.

I am including a few stats and pictures from my start to now. As I said pictures say everything!

July 20, 2015 I weighed 280.4 — February 14, 2016 I weigh 199.4

  • Neck 16.5                                Neck 13.5
  • Upper arm L 16 / R 16         Upper arm L 11.5 / R 12.5
  • Chest 56                                 Chest 44
  • Waist 50.5                              Waist 38
  • Hips 54.5                                Hips 43
  • Thigh L 24.75 / R 25            Thigh L 19.5 / R 19.5
  • Calf L 15.5 / R 15.5                Calf L 13.5 / R 13.5
  • BMI 54.2                                 BMI 43.1


PhotoGrid_1455464155825 (1)

#ONEDERLAND FEELS AMAZING!!! Love yourselves enough to be patient, you are worth every tear, sweat stain, shin splint and more!

21 Day Fix, Clean_Eating, Cravings, Exercise, Habit, Journey to happiness, Shakeology, Uncategorized

I am thankful for……

I have so much to be thankful for this year. It has been a year of incredible growth for me.

  • I have learned to make myself a priority
  • I am learning to lay to rest the old damaged me and replace her with a new healthy me
  • I have learned to appreciate the fact that I have a job that I love even on the days I do not love it so much
  • I have met some of the most incredible, supportive, amazing and wonderful people in this new journey to a healthier me
  • I have reconnected with old friends
  • I have been told I inspire and encourage others (what a gift this is to me)
  • I am finally truly happy in my own skin
  • Pounds and inches have been replaced with happiness, joy, muscles, self respect and an understanding I have never had before, just to name a few
  • I have become surrounded by THE most amazing, strong women. Coaches through #BeachBody who have given me so much support. Introduced to incredible women in the challenge groups who go through this same struggle and offer up support and advice as if we have been forever friends.

I love my life, I love where I live and the people I am surrounded by. If you had ever told me that in a short 4 months, my entire life would be changed forever by an incredible product called #Shakeology or a lifestyle change called #21dayfix and #cleaneating I would have thought you a bit touched! Never in a million years would I have thought I would be hiking and walking 6-15 miles a day! ME the woman who came home from work and lay on the couch until I went to bed!

I have started dog/house sitting for friends, it is like a mini vaca! Even when my rent was raised so much that I am unsure I can continue with my #Shakeology and this City I love so much is making it very difficult to afford to live in, I am much less stressed than I would have been a year ago. I am hoping I can find a way to continue with the shakeo for a bit longer as I truly believe it has helped me in this journey, but if I cannot I will be able to find a way to continue on my journey to be healthy. My journey towards total healthy may get slowed a bit by it but I will not give up.

Life is what you make it and for the first time in my life I believe that I alone have the power to make mine any thing I want it to be and I choose AMAZING!!!

I signed up to be a coach for Beach Body, I have not really done much with that but I am so happy to say I have 2 wonderful women who have signed up under me. If you are interested in changing your life forever, for finding joy in the everyday things, to being able to start truly living your life, let me know I would love to share with you this amazing new lifestyle.

Have a blessed Thanksgiving day!!



21 Day Fix, Cravings, Exercise, Habit, Herbs, Shakeology

whew i made it!!!!

Week one done of my 3 week clean eating 21 day fix journey! I am so absolutely shocked at how good I feel, how little I am craving junk I used to eat daily. Of course I was bragging yesterday about how I slept in …. well today I was awake early again BUT not as early as normal. And I am going to blame it on the heat we had yesterday. AND I think it important to note this weekend is the FIRST weekend in I do not know how many that I have not taken nor felt the need to take a nap.

Anyhoo, I decided to get up and to check out the new path they paved by my apartment. It is so wonderful, smooth and all along the path are little garden plots that people rent from the city (in the police department parking lot and I am totally checking it out for next year). There were flowers and veggies, and birds and bees and it was blissful! I opted to do eggs and toast for breakfast, I am so amazed at how good stuff tastes now. Literally in one weeks time I have eaten things without salt that I never would have before.


I felt so good after the walk so went out to my little herb garden and got me some lemon balm and mint and made a batch of green tea. 2015-07-04 09.55.50 (1) PhotoGrid_1437353225105

Normally I eat my smoothie for breakfast on the drive to work BUT I did not factor in how hard pre-blended veggies and fruit is so set it out and had it along with kefir for my morning snack, plus I think it is good to switch it up on the weekend. So good and so satisfying. I am struggling with the cost and justifying the Shakeology but I have never felt so alive as I do right now. I know a good chunk of that is exercise and overall eating better but I have no doubt at all that the lack of cravings is due to the protein powder. I also love that it is not a meal replacement for me and is loaded with healthy stuff. This is the first weekend I have not had a cruddy Mcdonalds sandwich. I hope I can afford to keep using it but if not I will take the lessons I am getting from the 21 day fix and make it my new healthy lifestyle. No diet just clean healthy eating. All this and my carb cravings are GONE.

I did laundry, I went for another little walk, I prepped all my breakfast and lunches for this week and am still not remotely tired (again I normally am nodding off by 6:30).

So here is to a new week or healthy eating and getting more active! My goal for this week is to try some new recipes so I do not get bored and deter from this. 21 days they say is what you need to form a habit, I want this to be new norm.

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