I really needed to clear my mind. I woke up super early from pain so sat outside and watched the sunrise. I decided even though I cannot go for an actual hike or long walk (damn pinched nerve) I could go to one of my favorite places and walk to the bench. I love how this tiny little walk gives so much beauty. I took a PB&J and sat and just enjoyed. As I was going back to my car I spied a deer looking at me❤️
I am learning to listen to my body to not get caught up in what I used to do. A tiny gentle walk is beneficial in clearing my mind, loosening up my muscles that hurt so bad I can barely move. While it makes other areas hurt a bit more it is needed.
My body is at this crossroad, an odd difficult balancing act that is constantly changing. What helps one area hurts another. What is the norm to try to heal one area is actually NOT good for another. It is not as simple as just stretching or walking or exercises.
I love my doctors as they have not given up on me, they listen, suggest, scratch their heads in confusion and look up ways to help me. They let me cry in frustration and pain. They do not minimize or make my issue seem minimal.
I learned a lot from the first 11 months and although I lost 120 pounds and cured my diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure and a host of other issues, I also lost sight of why I was doing it. It was never about massive weight loss but rather about taking back my life. Losing weight was part of it but mostly I just wanted to eliminate the amount of meds and to lose the emotional baggage that I have carried for 35 plus years.
I quickly lost sight of that and became obsessed with losing the weight, how many miles a day I could hike and how fast I could do it in and the next day repeating it and trying to beat what I did the day before. I was talking to my friend about it and she said she and others worried about my obsession. It was unhealthy. I can remember getting to my car and being in so much pain I could barely get in it and then once I would get home I would eat and go for another one. I weighed myself several times a day. Addictive personalities can be so hard to keep in check and mine was out of control. Those walks also helped clear my mind but so does a smaller one. I was not seeing things around me only my fitbit and how many miles and how fast. I have learned to slow down and man there is so much beauty to be seen if you just slow down.